Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Christmas in May

So I had a good weekend in the Midwest. Taking care of family things still. It's still so unbelievable to not have my father around physically anymore, but I feel his presence all the time. Weird.

But on another note, I also got to see some of the boys who came of age with me during the college years. Boys like us, highly involved on campus, good grades, trying to be the "safe" black guy on a predominantly white college campus. That's a whole 'nother story. Thank God I outgrew that phase. But I think you know what I mean.

Anyway, catching up with folks -- in person and after so many years -- is fun. You see how your lives and personalities have remained the same in many ways. And diverged in many others.

One way our lives have changed... well, maybe not changed, but it's definitely an interesting observation. The boys I caught up with are all dating Santa Claus. Well, not literally Santa Claus, but you know what I mean... you're smart... I think you do. Just look at the picture. Not the demographic we necessarily saw ourselves settling down with while in college back in the day.

Not a problem. Just interesting. Everyone's happy, loving, supportive. All that good stuff. I don't know where I'm going with this. But it's been on my mind all weekend. I'm not dating, nor have I dated, Santa Claus.

I know love is blind and kind and supportive and all that good stuff. Love comes when you're not looking for it. Yeah, I know.

I know about the dating drought, wondering if you're in the same boat as your straight female counterparts (where are ALL the good ______ dudes???), reading all the stats about our communities, feeling like you'll never find another YOU, etc... Still, I've never seen myself with Santa Claus, but maybe that's why I'm single. Perpetually single. Do I block love and possible dates with too many categories on my list? Geez... the perpetual list. I know you've got one too :-) What's on your list?

Anyway, do you ever wonder about the choices -- dating or otherwise -- friends you haven't seen in a while are making? Have your dating choices changed -- by choice or necessity -- due to your demographic changes, professional successes, or other factors?

fs

4 comments:

Brown Braided Woman said...

Interesting post, would love to have a conversation with you about this OFF the blog.

Brown Braided Woman said...

Well you know Fred, I said I would like to have this conversation off the Blog, but what the heck. The blog is a community forum of sorts.

Your post seems slightly judgemental. So what if they're dating Santa Claus. Are your friends happy? Are they at peace? Are they growing spirtually, intellectually and emotionally?

I think trying to date inside a box is stifling. Sure, things would be easier if our mates fit into a cultural ideal. It doesn't happen all the time.

My straight female counterparts are unhappy mostly. Dating the dude that makes them feel small, or they are constantly adjusting themselves to make him feel on top. What the ... !!!

I married. Not once but twice. Dated in between men who wanted me to not be me.

Do you block love with all the categories?

I look at the character of the mates my friends choose. Are they growing? Happy? Are they peaceful?

Good topic.

D-Place said...

I think it would be nice if we were all comfortable looking at the character of an individual without thought of their color. Unfortunately, we all have different experiences with many cultures and it is sometimes difficult to shake and preconcieved notions. I think what you are talking about is Black guys dating older white men. It is interesting and sometimes tempting as well. You know that you will probably be treated right, but shouldn't we all hope to be with someone that will treat us right, be in our own age bracket and be of the same cultural ultimately. Well at least it would be nice anyway.

DV said...

Santa Clause. You went there.

You're right, everyone has a list, but are you avoiding SC? What if you could be really happy with SC?

My dating choices have changed. But I'll save that one for later.